In the recent summer heatwave in Sweden, reports of a zombie attack in the Gothenburg garden of Slottskogen hit the news.
The zombies were created when the martial arts school Kali de Mano held training sessions in Slottskogen for its advanced students. “They killed each other to death and back,” one passerby noted. “It was horrible. They died and then they crawled up and carried on fighting.”
Puzzling photographs have emerged of the zombies apparently not fighting at all, but appearing to be dancing. “It’s actually a zombie mating ritual,” a zombie expert explains. “They find a connection with each other through a kind of martial dance, and after that they are able to hunt in harmony.”
Other views claim however that this is not a zombie mating ritual, but a type of hypnosis hunting. “They dance and you follow,” one zombie hunter claims. “It’s very deceptive, because even though it looks slow, the stance is lethal, and is the basis for all those lightning-fast movements that kill you and you don’t even know what happened.”
One girl was attacked by the zombies while sleeping. “I was just training and learning so much all day, I fell asleep during my lunch break,” she told this reporter. “Then I woke up and I had all these zombie bites on my hands. I really want to grab a stick right now and bash your head in.”
Official authorities have issued statements that the zombie attacks are not harmful and are, in fact, very beneficial for personal health. The public are even encouraged to participate in their activities. The head communications liaison sums it up as: “Keep calm and join the zombies”.
PHOTO CREDITS: Claes Johansson